the sick note

[Bud S]

The sick note (vrij vertaald uit het engels door willem777)

Ter introductie: Deze man had een ongeluk en moest een schadeformulier invullen. De verzekeringsmaatschappij nam contact met hem op voor nadere info m.b.t. het ongeluk. Dit was z'n antwoord:

"Ik schrijf u in antwoord op uw verzoek om aanvullende informatie m.b.t. het ongeluk dat mij is overkomen. Ik zou zeggen dat "een slechte planning" de oorzaak is van mijn verwondingen. U zei in uw brief dat ik een meer gedetailleerd en volledig verslag van het ongeluk moest geven. Ik vertrouw erop dat het volgende u voldoende informatie verschaft.

Ik ben een amateur radiozender en was aan het werk in mijn 20 meter hoge zendmast. Toen ik klaar was kwam ik erachter dat ik al mijn materiaal nog boven had liggen als gevolg van het telkens op en af de toren gaan om spullen te pakken. Ik had geen zin om de zeker 150 kg aan materiaal en gereedschap stuk voor stuk weer naar beneden te halen. Dus kwam ik op het slimme idee een katrol en een ton te gebruiken. Het ene eind maakte ik vast aan de grond en boven op de toren bevestigde ik de ton aan het stuk touw onderaan de katrol. Tot nu toe ging alles goed. Alles paste in de ton en ik klom weer naar beneden. Daar maakte ik het touw voorzichtig los en hield het stevig met beide handen vast om de vracht langzaam te laten zakken...

Toen ging het mis. Zoals u in mijn medische status kunt lezen weeg ik zelf slechts 56 kg en kon ik de vracht niet meer houden. Hoewel... in een reflex bleef ik het touw vasthouden en werd zo omhoog geschoten. Ongeveer halverwege kwam ik onzacht in aanraking met de naar beneden komende ton met bouwmateriaal. Dat verklaart m'n gebroken sleutelbeen, gebroken neus en schedelbasisfractuur. Ik werd hierdoor even afgeremd maar ging snel verder door naar boven. Het touw sneed tot op het bot in m'n handen (zie medisch verslag) Gelukkig was ik nu wel zo helder van geest om ondanks de pijn het touw te blijven vasthouden...

Echter op hetzelfde moment raakte de ton de grond en vloog de bodem eruit, het materiaal werd alle kanten op geslingerd en de ton die nu nog maar zo'n 20 kg woog, kwam weer met een noodgang omhoog...en ik weer naar beneden... U raadt het al, onderweg kwamen we mekaar weer tegen. Dit resulteerde in de gebroken enkel en de diverse 3e graads brand/schaafwonden op beide benen. Deze botsing vertraagde mijn val gelukkig wel zoveel dat toen ik op de berg gereedschap en bouwmateriaal viel, ik daar slechts 2 gebroken ruggenwervels en 3 gebroken ribben aan over hield. Echter toen ik daar met vreselijk veel pijn lag en omhoogkeek naar die ton die 20 meter boven me hing liet ik in een vlaag van verstandsverbijstering het touw nu wel los...Dit resulteerde in de ingedeukte borstkas en het gebroken bekken...
Hopende u hiermee voldoende geïnformeerd te hebben sluit ik af "

;)

[De man van 14K]

haha, met zo'n ongeval leef je doorgaans niet meer.
zou wat zijn voor funniest home video's

[Paganstars]

ik ken the sicknote heel anders!


Dear Sir I write this note to you to tell you of my plight
For at the time of writing I am not a pretty sight
My body is all black and blue, my face a deathly grey
And I write this note to say why Paddy's not at work today.

Whilst working on the fourteenth floor,some bricks I had to clear
To throw them down from such a height was not a good idea
The foreman wasn't very pleased, the bloody awkward sod
He said I had to cart them down the ladders in my hod.

Now clearing all these bricks by hand, it was so very slow
So I hoisted up a barrel and secured the rope below
But in my haste to do the job, I was too blind to see
That a barrel full of building bricks was heavier than me.

And so when I untied the rope, the barrel fell like lead
And clinging tightly to the rope I started up instead
I shot up like a rocket till to my dismay I found
That half way up I met the bloody barrel coming down.

Well the barrel broke my shoulder, as to the ground it sped
And when I reached the top I banged the pulley with my head
I clung on tightly, numb with shock, from this almighty blow
And the barrel spilled out half the bricks, fourteen floors below.

Now when these bricks had fallen from the barrel to the floor
I then outweighed the barrel and so started down once more
Still clinging tightly to the rope, my body racked with pain
When half way down, I met the bloody barrel once again.

The force of this collision, half way up the office block
Caused multiple abrasions and a nasty state of shock
Still clinging tightly to the rope I fell towards the ground
And I landed on the broken bricks the barrel scattered round.

I lay there groaning on the ground I thought I'd passed the worst
But the barrel hit the pulley wheel, and then the bottom burst
A shower of bricks rained down on me, I hadn't got a hope
As I lay there bleeding on the ground, I let go the bloody rope.

The barrel then being heavier then started down once more
And landed right across me as I lay upon the floor
It broke three ribs, and my left arm, and I can only say
That I hope you'll understand why Paddy's not at work today.

[Paganstars]

http://www.chivalry.com/cantaria/sounds/sick-note.mp3

het nummer sick note

[Bud S]

ik heb heb 'm van www.darwinawards.com (http://www.darwinawards.com)

onder urban legends

de darwin awards worden jaarlijks postuum uitgereikt aan mensen die door hun eigen domme schuld op een hele sullige manier zijn doodgegaan.
de gedachte erachter is dat de evolutie weer een stapje verder is, als deze mensen zich niet meer genetisch kunnen voortplanten.

tja, zo win je ook na je dood nog es wat

[Paganstars]

hahah... tja je hebt van die mensen... maar het blijft gewoon dom... denk dan ook na!! *hoewel dat voor sommige mensen wel heel veel gevraagd is*

[Arjan]

This guy pushed his motorcycle from the patio into his living room, where he began to clean the engine with some rags and a bowl of gasoline, all in the comfort of his own home. When he finished, he sat on the motorcycle and decided to give his bike a quick start and make sure everything was still OK. Unfortunately, the bike started in gear, and crashed through the glass patio door with him still clinging to the handlebars.
His wife had been working in the kitchen. She came running at the fearful sound, and found him crumpled on the patio, badly cut from the shards of broken glass. She called 911, and the paramedics carried the unfortunate man to the Emergency Room.
Later that afternoon, after many stitches had pulled her husband back together, the wife brought him home and put him to bed. She cleaned up the mess in the living room, and dumped the bowl of gasoline in the toilet.

Shortly thereafter, her husband woke up, lit a cigarette, and went into the bathroom for a much-needed relief break. He sat down and tossed the cigarette into the toilet, which promptly exploded because the wife had not flushed the gasoline away. The explosion blew the man through the bathroom door.

The wife heard a loud explosion and the terrible sound of her husband's screams. She ran into the hall and found her husband lying on the floor with his trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks. The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance. The same two paramedics were dispatched to the scene. They loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. One of them asked the wife how the injury had occurred. When she told them, they began laughing so hard that they dropped the stretcher, and broke the guy's collarbone.



Dit kan toch niet echt waar zijn?

[Arjan]

Bad Day at the Officehttp://darwinawards.com/i/bubbles1c.gif
1998 Urban LegendHi Sue,
http://darwinawards.com/i/icon/jellyfish.small.jpg Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit.
This time of year the water is quite cool. So here's what we do to keep warm: We have a diesel-powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temp. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a damn good plan, doesn't it? I've used it several times with no complaints.
When I get to the bottom and start working, what I do is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my neck and flood my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until my ass started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my itchy ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done.
In agony I realized what had happened. The hot-water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. This is even worse than poison ivy under a cast. I had put that hose down my back, but I don't have any hair on my back, so the jellyfish couldn't get stuck to my back. My ass crack was not as fortunate.
When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my ass. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communications system. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he and 5 other divers were laughing hysterically.
Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make 3 hellish in-water decompression stops totaling 35 minutes before I could reach the surface for my chamber dry decompression. I got to the surface wearing nothing but my brass helmet. My suit and gear were tied to the bell. When I got on board, the medic, with tears of laughter streaming down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to coat my ass when I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't shit for two days because my asshole was swollen shut.
http://darwinawards.com/i/icon/jellyfish.small.jpgWe've since modified the equipment to filter out most sea creatures. Anyway, the next time you have a bad day at the office, think of me. Think about how much worse your day would be if you were to squash a jellyfish on your ass. I hope you have no bad days at the office. But if you do, I hope this will make it more tolerable


HAHAHAHA
deze site is geniaal ik ben niet weg te slaan!
Dag uitgaansplannen voor vrijdag

[Paganstars]

Welke site is dat arjen?? die laatste is hilarisch!

[Arjan]

Van willem777
www.darwinawards.com (http://www.darwinawards.com)
kende de site al van stage als tijdopvulling maar heb ze nooit aandachtig gelezen

[Paganstars]

owh okay...

[Paganstars]

The hero of this story is not mentioned by name in the blurb I found on the internet, so we'll just call him "Harry Sachs." I think this story proves why mankind evolved to wearing clothing rather than traipsing around in the buff. It's not just modesty that makes us get dressed but it's also just common sense in a world filled with so many potentially hazardous possibilities for our ahem, "sensitive areas." Even cavemen had evolved to the point of wearing crotch protections. You'd think all of us would of caught on by now but, alas no.
Our hero, "Harry", is a 73 year old nudist. As 99.99999% of us, who have lived beyond puberty, know it requires very special care when one is sans clothing. Particularly in regard to one's naughty bits and "Harry", after 73 years of life, hadn't learned that clothes are protection as well as a scourge to human comfort. He evidently is a veeeerrrrryyyy slow learner.
Harry arrived at the campground section of the Cypress Cove Nudist Resort near Orlando Florida and it seems Harry couldn't wait to shed his annoying and restrictive clothes before unloading the car. It's also possible that the big hurry was the result of being damn proud of his 73 year old, time ravaged , body and he wanted to let everyone have a gander for themselves as soon as he possibly could. Bad idea, very bad idea, for so many reasons.
While holding an armful of stuff, essential to the camping nudist, he attempted to shut the car door with his heiney.(Squeamish men should stop reading here and pick up after the next paragraph. If you read the rest you might not walk right for a week, or more!) The problem was that "Harry Sachs", while attempting to close the car door with his hairy cheeks, slammed his "hairy sacks" in the car door!
"They were only stuck in the door for maybe 5 seconds ,said the nudist who refused to give out his name. My wife was as scared as I was. As soon as I shut the door I knew I had messed up in a big way. I guess they just swung back and got slammed in there when I pushed the door closed with my butt, he said." I imagine it was said in a very high pitched tone. (Like Michael Jackson's voice.)
Other campers came to believe something was amiss when the man began to emit a shrill shriek (Think Bee Gees) that was audible throughout the campgrounds.
Even though I really don't like imagining this ever happening to me I know that, if it - God forbid - ever did, I would go to the hospital. Harry never went and so we will never know if he gets a "Darwin Award" or just an "Honorable Mention".
Remember, old men can still reproduce, (i.e. Michael Douglas, Tony Randall, David Letterman et.al.) and hopefully this will put an end to any chance of reproduction for this naked ape. It's possible he's learned how nuts it is to try to close a car door while naked and with hands full and he won't be so cocksure anymore while displaying his 73 year old, time ravaged, body. (Is there a barf emoticon available to put here?)


Goeie god.... wat een lul ben je dan?!!

[Ulis-E]

urban legend... hebben ze volgens mij keertje bij mythbusters gedaan (discoverychannel)

hmm yep:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=9ihOYiQkZEI

[Jochem]

rofl, leuke site.

I work in a geology lab with very smart people, such as James, who can tell you the petrogenetic peculiarities of low-alkali tholeiitic basalt after hydrothermal alteration. But our hero James recently demonstrated that there is a significant difference between intelligence and common sense. While casting about for ways to rid himself of a pesky wasp nest, his eye fell upon his trusty Dirt Devil vacuum cleaner. Armed with this fearsome weapon, James attacked the wasp nest. He sucked up all the wasps, who buzzed angrily as they struggled in vain against the wind-tunnel. The dustbag was soon alive with their buzzing.
James now found that he had a new problem: to wit, a vacuum cleaner bag full of live, disgruntled wasps. He had to find a way to kill them before he could safely turn off the vacuum. And while his previous idea was merely ill-considered, his next was a masterpiece of moronity.
He held the vacuum tube in one hand, a can of RAID in the other, and proceeded to spray the insecticide into the vacuum. What our smart young scientist failed to remember is that aerosols are flammable, and vacuum cleaner motors generate heat. The resulting explosion removed his facial hair, and scattered the dusty, angry contents of the Dirt Devil all over the vicinity.
Adding insult to injury, James was not the only one to survive with minor injuries. The wasps proceeded to vent their spleen upon the exposed (and slightly scorched) skin of the scientist, who referred to the episode as "an unfortunate lapse in calculation of consequences."