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Chico
26-12-2007, 18:44
http://ifl.tv/News-07Dec25-Dear-Don-Christmas.html

Dear Don: Christmas Edition
12/25/2007
http://ifl.tv/IFL-Images/IFL-News/Scorpions/Don-Frye/Don-Frye-Sized-Main.jpgIn the spirit of the holiday season, the IFL is giving you the gift of awesomeness with a special Christmas edition of Dear Don: Advice from "The Predator". Don't say we never gave you anything.
Advice given by Don Frye isn't guaranteed to improve your life, save your marriage, or keep you out of jail. It also isn't guaranteed to give you the kind of pleasant family Christmas your mother is always talking about, but if you didn't know that already, you're in the wrong place. Happy holidays, from IFL.tv.

Dear Don,
What’s a good Christmas present for my girlfriend that doesn’t involve expensive jewelry or me wandering into a women’s clothing store? I feel like I don’t know how to shop for a woman, but I really like this girl and want to get her something good. At the same time, I don’t have a ton of money and am not ready to go the engagement ring route. What should I get her?

You don’t want to buy her a ring or any other expensive jewelry, huh? Congratulations. You’re not as dumb as everyone else. I don’t know where people get the idea that jewelry is some kind of Christmas cure-all. Maybe it’s from those damn commercials during the football games this time of year.
Anyway, you’ve already decided not to go that route, and I’m proud of you. What you do now is put your girl in the car and drive to the strip club. Take her in and buy her a lap dance for Christmas. The good news is that, even if she doesn’t like it, she can’t return it.
Who knows, maybe one thing leads to another and you both go home with a present. Call it a Christmas miracle. If it doesn’t work and she gets mad at you, hey, at least you’re already in the strip club. What better place is there to get cheered up after your girlfriend leaves you? Merry Christmas, partner.

Dear Don,
With Christmas coming up I’m trying to decide whether to get a real Christmas tree or a fake one. On one hand I don’t want to deal with the hassle of a real tree (and it seems silly to cut down a tree just to use as a decoration in my house), but a fake tree seems so tacky and lame. Which do you prefer?

When I was a kid, we always had a real Christmas tree. There’s just something about a real one. Something about the way it smells. Also something about the way it starts looking pretty sad a couple days after Christmas, reminding you to get rid of it.
These days my mother stuck us with a fake tree that rotates, so I can tell you there are lots of variables to making your decision.
I almost see your point about cutting down the trees for no real reason. But partner, I hate to be the one to tell you, they’re going to cut those trees down anyway. If people don’t buy them they just go in the chipper. It’s not like fishing. They don’t throw any back.
But if you really want to know which route you should go, call your mother. Chances are that just by being a mother she knows more about Christmas decorations than both of us put together.
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:thup: