chief108
26-11-2008, 11:28
The Regular Guy
http://i33.tinypic.com/15g9lj6.jpg
Pros: Commonly accepted in the Western world; relaxing, your ass is supported comfortably by toilet seat. Ass usually covers up seat area to prevent a huge barrage of smell; able to read/text on cellphone/play handheld games quite easily. If you don't mind germs, you can even lean back and rest on the toilet tank
Cons: Bad circulation: Many people reported that their legs lost circulation if the toilet seat was not the right size. Poor access to asshole for wiping purposes, standing might be necessary; erect penis can hit side of bowl/water in bowl
The Bad-ass
http://i34.tinypic.com/2qwo8ci.jpg
Pros: spread cheeks, so I hardly had to wipe at all; you can see what you're doing, so with some toilet paper in the bowl and aim, you won't get splash back at all; no danger of an erect penis hitting the bowl, like mine sometimes does; easy to wipe.
Cons: urine control! I hit the seat with a few drops, and my thigh with one. I would NOT recommend this for girls, if they have to urinate at the same time, like I often do; you're standing right over the bowl, staring down, so the stench will hit you worse; You need stamina, I got kinda tired in the leg that was supporting my weight, so you'd want to alternate between legs each time.
This one is kinda minor, but if you're in a public toilet where there is a gap underneath the door, so people can see your legs, someone might spot that your pants are halfway off, and that you've only got one leg on the ground.
The AC Slater
http://i34.tinypic.com/644hzn.jpg
Pros: Get to be like AC Slater and be extremely badass and sit backwards on things. Head and arms can easily rest on top of toilet tank. It's possible to take a quick nap while on the john. Toilet paper and all other necessities are easily accessed.
Cons: You touch a lot of the toilet. The AC Slater is not recommended for dirty toilets. If not paying close attention, might accidentally shoot poop over the front of the toilet seat.
The Upper Deck
http://i36.tinypic.com/2s8iofo.jpg
Pros: Use toilet seat as foot rest; if desired, can use toilet bowl as foot bath. Can have fun pissing down into the bowl below while *****ing in the upper deck. Can do what is known as a "stealth dump", meaning someone won't know you took a dump until you flush. Hilarious prank to play at ex-girlfriend's house
Cons: When toilet is flushed, *****y water flows down into the bottom bowl, creating undesired sights/smells. Also, poor drainage in the upper deck can cause exceptionally large ****s to get stuck up there.
The Sniper
http://i38.tinypic.com/2jcykg3.jpg
Pros: Can be extremely fun/rewarding when pulled off correctly. The sniper can put a smile on any man's face because they know that woman are unable to perform this amazing feat. Don't have to get close to a dirty toilet. If you're using an outhouse, you can actually stand outside that ****hole of a toilet and just piss inside from the long range.
Cons: Lots of cons. Requires immense precision/focus. Quick physics estimations must be made before attempting the Sniper. If wrong, piss goes everywhere. Make sure you're conservative on your distance estimates. It's better to hit the back of the toilet seat than the floor in front. Not only does the Sniper take precision, but timing is of the utmost importance. Once you feel the piss stream lightening up you must re-evaluate your distance. Quick sprints might be required. Note: If you're a tranny and have not gotten used to your new penis yet, performing the Sniper is not recommended.
The Special Delivery
http://i33.tinypic.com/23r25pi.jpg
Note: delivery device is required
Pros: Crap anywhere you want and it'll end up down the drain eventually (delivery to toilet optional; throwing outside or hiding under couch are valid choices, among others). Don't have to be bother by a small, cramped bathroom. Instead, poop within your bedroom or another bigger room. Perhaps you don't want to miss your favorite TV show/favorite sports team? Poop in a bowl, and deliver to toilet later. This style is very flexible
Cons: Be careful of onlookers. This requires you to handle poop outside the bathroom, thus setting yourself up for some explaining. If you are spotted performing a special delivery, act calm and collected. Say it's your dog's ****. If you don't have a dog, say your neighbor's dog took a **** on your porch. If that doesn't apply, make sure you have an excuse thought out before hand. Also, handle **** with care! Last thing you want is to drop your #2 on a newly cleaned carpet.
The Fountain
http://i33.tinypic.com/2pzjqs5.jpg
Pros: Lie down on the floor and work out the kinks in your back. If you're very tired, this position offers the most relaxation of all positions. Bringing a pillow can increase the pleasure of the Fountain. Many are too scared to attempt this because of the risk of pissing on yourself, but if pulled off correctly, the rewards are unfathomable. I'm sure you'll win an award or a pat on the back
Cons: Beware of dirty floors. And stray piss. Warning: To prevent from pissing on yourself, aim for optimal acceleration/deceleration. A slow v/t will wreck havoc on your shorts (upper thigh if you're naked).
The Gargoyle
http://i34.tinypic.com/2h67f35.jpg
Pros: Gives good exercise to the legs, very good for your digestion as well. The poo comes out naturally with this method, and requires minimal thrust. Also enables easy use of handheld devices, but be careful. This is the way your body was meant to poo.
Cons: If you get tired, you're going straight into that mother; make sure your leg muscles are well rested and strong before taking up this position. Also, if using some handheld device or reading a book, be careful, or else it's a goner.
The Nantucket Fly-By
http://i34.tinypic.com/2du9u76.jpg
How to: Have a friend hold you up in the air, belly up, and have your ass aligned with the bowl
Pros: Can quickly re-enact the bombing of Hiroshima, Japan
Cons: Your penis is gonna be all up in your friend's face, not to mention if he trips or you slip, you're landing on a mess of feces.
The Handstand
http://i34.tinypic.com/2djncw4.jpg
Pros: An extremely risky position that when done correctly, can mean an immense boost of self esteem or a hit at any party.
Cons: Many people tend to stay away from attempting this position for the obvious hazards of falling in the toilet or pissing all over yourself. If you are thinking of trying this position make sure you have first mastered the "sniper" position for accuracy, and the basic handstand. Warning: This position does not work when pooping; do not attempt!
The Slam Dunk
http://i38.tinypic.com/kbdr9j.jpg
Pros: Will get you unheard of amounts of pussy. Like, ridiculous. No, seriously, not even Steve Urkel got this much pussy. Well, maybe not as much as Steve Urkel, but still.
Cons: Requires extreme jumping skills with mid air turning and the ability to keep a steady piece of poo coming out without breaking in mid air. You must also perfect the landing technique (make sure weight:toilet ratios etc are accordingly calculated or god help you) or you risk a broken tailbone and even worse, an ass smeared with poo, and if performing in a public toilet, god knows what else.
The Chernobyl
http://i37.tinypic.com/og9r3q.jpg
Note: Requires meal from the likes of taco bell the night before.
Pros: Get to reenact the worst nuclear reactor disaster in history.
Cons: May render used toilet (most times entire bathroom) unusable until HAZMAT team or the international equivalent has cleared the area. Depending on severity, entire bathroom [building] may need to be destroyed permanently.
The Artillery
http://i37.tinypic.com/x6eix0.jpg
Pros: Completely void of the toilet which means very safe from bacteria and germs. Extremely satisfying launches when landed correctly.
Cons: For expert poopers only. Extensive training in force and angle required, can get very messy during practice runs.
http://i33.tinypic.com/15g9lj6.jpg
Pros: Commonly accepted in the Western world; relaxing, your ass is supported comfortably by toilet seat. Ass usually covers up seat area to prevent a huge barrage of smell; able to read/text on cellphone/play handheld games quite easily. If you don't mind germs, you can even lean back and rest on the toilet tank
Cons: Bad circulation: Many people reported that their legs lost circulation if the toilet seat was not the right size. Poor access to asshole for wiping purposes, standing might be necessary; erect penis can hit side of bowl/water in bowl
The Bad-ass
http://i34.tinypic.com/2qwo8ci.jpg
Pros: spread cheeks, so I hardly had to wipe at all; you can see what you're doing, so with some toilet paper in the bowl and aim, you won't get splash back at all; no danger of an erect penis hitting the bowl, like mine sometimes does; easy to wipe.
Cons: urine control! I hit the seat with a few drops, and my thigh with one. I would NOT recommend this for girls, if they have to urinate at the same time, like I often do; you're standing right over the bowl, staring down, so the stench will hit you worse; You need stamina, I got kinda tired in the leg that was supporting my weight, so you'd want to alternate between legs each time.
This one is kinda minor, but if you're in a public toilet where there is a gap underneath the door, so people can see your legs, someone might spot that your pants are halfway off, and that you've only got one leg on the ground.
The AC Slater
http://i34.tinypic.com/644hzn.jpg
Pros: Get to be like AC Slater and be extremely badass and sit backwards on things. Head and arms can easily rest on top of toilet tank. It's possible to take a quick nap while on the john. Toilet paper and all other necessities are easily accessed.
Cons: You touch a lot of the toilet. The AC Slater is not recommended for dirty toilets. If not paying close attention, might accidentally shoot poop over the front of the toilet seat.
The Upper Deck
http://i36.tinypic.com/2s8iofo.jpg
Pros: Use toilet seat as foot rest; if desired, can use toilet bowl as foot bath. Can have fun pissing down into the bowl below while *****ing in the upper deck. Can do what is known as a "stealth dump", meaning someone won't know you took a dump until you flush. Hilarious prank to play at ex-girlfriend's house
Cons: When toilet is flushed, *****y water flows down into the bottom bowl, creating undesired sights/smells. Also, poor drainage in the upper deck can cause exceptionally large ****s to get stuck up there.
The Sniper
http://i38.tinypic.com/2jcykg3.jpg
Pros: Can be extremely fun/rewarding when pulled off correctly. The sniper can put a smile on any man's face because they know that woman are unable to perform this amazing feat. Don't have to get close to a dirty toilet. If you're using an outhouse, you can actually stand outside that ****hole of a toilet and just piss inside from the long range.
Cons: Lots of cons. Requires immense precision/focus. Quick physics estimations must be made before attempting the Sniper. If wrong, piss goes everywhere. Make sure you're conservative on your distance estimates. It's better to hit the back of the toilet seat than the floor in front. Not only does the Sniper take precision, but timing is of the utmost importance. Once you feel the piss stream lightening up you must re-evaluate your distance. Quick sprints might be required. Note: If you're a tranny and have not gotten used to your new penis yet, performing the Sniper is not recommended.
The Special Delivery
http://i33.tinypic.com/23r25pi.jpg
Note: delivery device is required
Pros: Crap anywhere you want and it'll end up down the drain eventually (delivery to toilet optional; throwing outside or hiding under couch are valid choices, among others). Don't have to be bother by a small, cramped bathroom. Instead, poop within your bedroom or another bigger room. Perhaps you don't want to miss your favorite TV show/favorite sports team? Poop in a bowl, and deliver to toilet later. This style is very flexible
Cons: Be careful of onlookers. This requires you to handle poop outside the bathroom, thus setting yourself up for some explaining. If you are spotted performing a special delivery, act calm and collected. Say it's your dog's ****. If you don't have a dog, say your neighbor's dog took a **** on your porch. If that doesn't apply, make sure you have an excuse thought out before hand. Also, handle **** with care! Last thing you want is to drop your #2 on a newly cleaned carpet.
The Fountain
http://i33.tinypic.com/2pzjqs5.jpg
Pros: Lie down on the floor and work out the kinks in your back. If you're very tired, this position offers the most relaxation of all positions. Bringing a pillow can increase the pleasure of the Fountain. Many are too scared to attempt this because of the risk of pissing on yourself, but if pulled off correctly, the rewards are unfathomable. I'm sure you'll win an award or a pat on the back
Cons: Beware of dirty floors. And stray piss. Warning: To prevent from pissing on yourself, aim for optimal acceleration/deceleration. A slow v/t will wreck havoc on your shorts (upper thigh if you're naked).
The Gargoyle
http://i34.tinypic.com/2h67f35.jpg
Pros: Gives good exercise to the legs, very good for your digestion as well. The poo comes out naturally with this method, and requires minimal thrust. Also enables easy use of handheld devices, but be careful. This is the way your body was meant to poo.
Cons: If you get tired, you're going straight into that mother; make sure your leg muscles are well rested and strong before taking up this position. Also, if using some handheld device or reading a book, be careful, or else it's a goner.
The Nantucket Fly-By
http://i34.tinypic.com/2du9u76.jpg
How to: Have a friend hold you up in the air, belly up, and have your ass aligned with the bowl
Pros: Can quickly re-enact the bombing of Hiroshima, Japan
Cons: Your penis is gonna be all up in your friend's face, not to mention if he trips or you slip, you're landing on a mess of feces.
The Handstand
http://i34.tinypic.com/2djncw4.jpg
Pros: An extremely risky position that when done correctly, can mean an immense boost of self esteem or a hit at any party.
Cons: Many people tend to stay away from attempting this position for the obvious hazards of falling in the toilet or pissing all over yourself. If you are thinking of trying this position make sure you have first mastered the "sniper" position for accuracy, and the basic handstand. Warning: This position does not work when pooping; do not attempt!
The Slam Dunk
http://i38.tinypic.com/kbdr9j.jpg
Pros: Will get you unheard of amounts of pussy. Like, ridiculous. No, seriously, not even Steve Urkel got this much pussy. Well, maybe not as much as Steve Urkel, but still.
Cons: Requires extreme jumping skills with mid air turning and the ability to keep a steady piece of poo coming out without breaking in mid air. You must also perfect the landing technique (make sure weight:toilet ratios etc are accordingly calculated or god help you) or you risk a broken tailbone and even worse, an ass smeared with poo, and if performing in a public toilet, god knows what else.
The Chernobyl
http://i37.tinypic.com/og9r3q.jpg
Note: Requires meal from the likes of taco bell the night before.
Pros: Get to reenact the worst nuclear reactor disaster in history.
Cons: May render used toilet (most times entire bathroom) unusable until HAZMAT team or the international equivalent has cleared the area. Depending on severity, entire bathroom [building] may need to be destroyed permanently.
The Artillery
http://i37.tinypic.com/x6eix0.jpg
Pros: Completely void of the toilet which means very safe from bacteria and germs. Extremely satisfying launches when landed correctly.
Cons: For expert poopers only. Extensive training in force and angle required, can get very messy during practice runs.