COMMENTARY OF THE BEIJING OLYMPIC GAMES BOXING
"A female groupie backstage at an Elton John concert would have more chance of picking up than this fighter does of winning this fight."
"He's scored more than Tommy Lee at a boat party"
"I just set up a Myspace Page for him under the name 'Man Who Doesn't Jab' ... he's already got 40 friends!"
"Ring-a-ding-ding in Beijing!"
"If punches were people, he'd be China!"
"You'd have an easier time picking up KD Lang in a bar..."
"The Cuban boxing team over the years have put more gold around their neck than Mr T."
"He loves fighting on the inside. He's agorophobic -- he's afraid to go outside!"
"He's stacking the combinations like a supermarket shelf."
"He has no chance of winning this, unless maybe a safe falls on his opponnet's head!"
COMMENTARY OF THE K-1 MAX FINAL 8 in TOKYO
"I`m sure somewhere in the world Drago is depriving a village of an idiot."
"He`s doing a Tony Danza and showing him Who`s The Boss!"
"That`s the worst haircut since Dr Spock" -- on Masato`s new bowl haircut
"He`s been scored on more times than my ex-girlfriend."
"Drago`s hungry tonight... he`d probably fight for a rice cake."
"He`s so short he could sit on a piece of toilet paper and his feet would still dangle."
"He`s like the Volvo of K-1 Max" -- on Yoshihiro Sato
"Open the fridge, he`s out cold!"
"That round was ugly but entertaining... just like the last girl I dated."
"The wheel is spinning but the mouse inside the wheel is dead. He killed the mouse!" -- on Gago Drago
COMMENTARY OF THE K-1 FINAL 16 in SEOUL
"He's so tall in summertime he still gets snow on his head."
-- On 7'2" Hong Mann Choi
"He's so tall when he walks past the zoo giraffes are attracted to him."
-- On Choi again
"There's more Brazilians in that corner than at my local wax salon."
-- On Ewerton Texeira's corner team
"Two things I know for sure: we will never beat Amy Winehouse in a drinking contest, and Texeira definitely won that fight."
-- On Texeira's points win against Musashi
"He's an artist. He should cut his ear off."
-- On Dutch technician Remy Bonjasky
"He's so pimp. He's a bad ass."
-- On K-1 heavyweight champion Badr Hari
"Glaciers move faster."
-- On the slowness of Hong Mann Choi
"Look at the redness around his ribcage, it looks like he's been barbecued."
-- On Hong Mann Choi's badly damaged midsection
"What happened to his eyebrows? He gave them a Brazilian!"
-- On Glaube Feitosa's lack of eyebrows
"Semmy Schilt has less personality than a head of lettuce."
-- On Semmy's lack of charisma
"Feitosa is a nice Brazilian... I like a nice Brazilian... I used to tell my ex-girlfriend that all the time."
"There are two things I know for sure: Britney Spears will never win Mother of The Year and Albert Kraus didn't win that fight!"
"He went swimming last week and Japanese whaling boats began firing harpoons at him."
"He's been on his back more than my ex-girlfriend."
"He wears more hair product than Bon Jovi."
"I'm so excited I've got goosebumps on my arm... or some other sort of strange growth."
"There are no windows in Mighty Mo's house. If he wants to let a breeze in he just punches a hole in the wall."
"He's a stud... there are no such things as lesbians in the world, just women who haven't met Paul Slowinski yet."
"He's so short he could milk a cow standing up. You know he went to Tokyo Disneyland last week and they wouldn't let him on any of the rides."