LOCO
05-09-2006, 23:22
INTERNATIONAL RULES OF MANLINESS
01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella, unless at the
footy, and your pies are getting wet, then for the eating period only it
is permissible.
02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
b. After wrecking your boss' car.
c. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
d. When she is using her teeth.
03: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed
and eaten by his mates.
04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend
out of jail within 12 hours.
05: If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is
forbidden.
However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
man.
In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.
08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
weakest.
09: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may
ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
playing.
10: It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless
supermodel...
and it's free.
11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to
kick another bloke in the nuts.
12: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
13: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
until they demonstrate knowledge of the game (can explain offside or
LBW) and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
14: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
15: If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
about his choice of beer.
16: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours
except if she's withholding s*x pending your response.
17: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
i.e. both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you
need.
18: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer
than you are able to have s*x with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.
19: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for
her to drive yours.
20: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
Christmas?" with "if you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an
Xbox. End of story.
01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella, unless at the
footy, and your pies are getting wet, then for the eating period only it
is permissible.
02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
b. After wrecking your boss' car.
c. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
d. When she is using her teeth.
03: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed
and eaten by his mates.
04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend
out of jail within 12 hours.
05: If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is
forbidden.
However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
man.
In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.
08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
weakest.
09: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may
ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
playing.
10: It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless
supermodel...
and it's free.
11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to
kick another bloke in the nuts.
12: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
13: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
until they demonstrate knowledge of the game (can explain offside or
LBW) and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
14: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
15: If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
about his choice of beer.
16: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours
except if she's withholding s*x pending your response.
17: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
i.e. both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you
need.
18: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer
than you are able to have s*x with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.
19: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for
her to drive yours.
20: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
Christmas?" with "if you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an
Xbox. End of story.