chief108
29-12-2006, 16:38
SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away...
SURREALISM:
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take
harmonica lessons
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and
the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company,
using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then
execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get
all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of
the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company
secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven
cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns
eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president
of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided
with the release. The public buys your bull.
Cow feminism.
You have two cows, but as both were provided by a man you question their use.
Classical liberalist cows
You have two cows, then assume they will be friends.
Classical realist cows
You have two cows, you instigate an arms race between them which you then claim leads to a balance of power.
Democraticlly peaceful cow theory.
You have a herd of cows, you give them all the vote, despite none of them having a clue who they are voting for or why. You then assume that this will provide stability and stable government.
Neoliberalist cow theory.
You have a herd of cows, you set up a bunch of powerless poorly managed intercow organisations with questionable political motives which places all the power in the richest cows and then assume that everyone will just get a long.
Neorealist cow theory.
You have a herd of cows, you try to examine there individual capabilities and past tendencies and then assume that they will all act as you have predicted.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of
four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped
dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads,
because you want three cows.
A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once
a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have
lunch.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for
storing them.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Both are mad.
AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the
Office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....
WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.
CANADIAN. You have two cows, one french one english, both want to have the're own field. One cow gets ill, you wait for the authorities to pay for the vet to come out.
SCOTTISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Both have shaggy long red hair and big horns. One is Catholic, the other a Protestant but secretly both wish they were Hindu. Anyone trying to milk them, gets stomped on hard and wakes up in a Paisley back alley with no wallet while said two cows appear on wanted posters. They appear in court represented by Donald Findlay QC, and the court decides to send both cows to Spain for a holiday so they can recover from the trauma.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell 3 of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank. Then you execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all 4 cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping 5 cows. The milk rights of 6 cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder. He sells the rights to all 7 cows' milk back to the listed company, and proceeds from the sale are deferred. The annual report says that the company owns 8 cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the 2 cows because the feng shui is bad.
A Danish Corporation:
You have 2 cows, and you pay them full sallery, pension, child benefits and dental care for working 20 hour weeks. You charge 68% tax on the profits made from the milk and use the money made from the 68% tax to buy Carlsberg. You tell the cows to get naked and go to park to drink the Carlsberg. You wonder how life could get any better.
The EU:
You have 2 cows, the French are mad that they speak English to one another. The French, Italians and the Dutch have a row over what kind of cheese the milk should produce. One of the cows was born in Greece the other in Sweden. They go to work in Brussels but spend most of their time in Maastricht. The British don't want to have anything to do with them and would rather have American cows. Norway pays for them but doesn't get any of the milk The milk disappears somewhere in Southern Italy.
You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away...
SURREALISM:
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take
harmonica lessons
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and
the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company,
using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then
execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get
all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of
the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company
secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven
cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns
eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president
of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided
with the release. The public buys your bull.
Cow feminism.
You have two cows, but as both were provided by a man you question their use.
Classical liberalist cows
You have two cows, then assume they will be friends.
Classical realist cows
You have two cows, you instigate an arms race between them which you then claim leads to a balance of power.
Democraticlly peaceful cow theory.
You have a herd of cows, you give them all the vote, despite none of them having a clue who they are voting for or why. You then assume that this will provide stability and stable government.
Neoliberalist cow theory.
You have a herd of cows, you set up a bunch of powerless poorly managed intercow organisations with questionable political motives which places all the power in the richest cows and then assume that everyone will just get a long.
Neorealist cow theory.
You have a herd of cows, you try to examine there individual capabilities and past tendencies and then assume that they will all act as you have predicted.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of
four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped
dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads,
because you want three cows.
A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once
a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have
lunch.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for
storing them.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Both are mad.
AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the
Office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....
WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.
CANADIAN. You have two cows, one french one english, both want to have the're own field. One cow gets ill, you wait for the authorities to pay for the vet to come out.
SCOTTISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Both have shaggy long red hair and big horns. One is Catholic, the other a Protestant but secretly both wish they were Hindu. Anyone trying to milk them, gets stomped on hard and wakes up in a Paisley back alley with no wallet while said two cows appear on wanted posters. They appear in court represented by Donald Findlay QC, and the court decides to send both cows to Spain for a holiday so they can recover from the trauma.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell 3 of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank. Then you execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all 4 cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping 5 cows. The milk rights of 6 cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder. He sells the rights to all 7 cows' milk back to the listed company, and proceeds from the sale are deferred. The annual report says that the company owns 8 cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the 2 cows because the feng shui is bad.
A Danish Corporation:
You have 2 cows, and you pay them full sallery, pension, child benefits and dental care for working 20 hour weeks. You charge 68% tax on the profits made from the milk and use the money made from the 68% tax to buy Carlsberg. You tell the cows to get naked and go to park to drink the Carlsberg. You wonder how life could get any better.
The EU:
You have 2 cows, the French are mad that they speak English to one another. The French, Italians and the Dutch have a row over what kind of cheese the milk should produce. One of the cows was born in Greece the other in Sweden. They go to work in Brussels but spend most of their time in Maastricht. The British don't want to have anything to do with them and would rather have American cows. Norway pays for them but doesn't get any of the milk The milk disappears somewhere in Southern Italy.