Mickey
23-06-2007, 18:24
http://photos-645.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sctm/v97/220/95/584895645/s584895645_643662_5722.jpg 20. DODGEBALL (2004)
The insulter: Patches O’Houlihan (Rip Torn)
The situation: The eccentric Dodgeball coach gives his team a halftime pep talk and doesn’t sugar-coat his instructions. Average Joe’s will be average no longer.
The insult: ”Will someone please catch a goddamn ball? It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to fuck a doorknob out there!”
Why it rules: Paints quite a picture, doesn’t it?
http://photos-645.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sctm/v97/220/95/584895645/s584895645_643682_7335.jpg 19. WHITE MEN CAN’T JUMP (1992)
The insulter: Sidney Deane (Wesley Snipes)
The situation: Trash-talking on the basketball court, a number of ‘yo momma’ jokes are thrown around but this one really sticks.
The insult: “I seen your mother kicking a can down the street. I said ‘What you doin’?’ and she said ‘Moving’”
Why it rules: Nothing cuts to the bone like a ‘yo momma’ joke.
http://photos-645.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sctm/v97/220/95/584895645/s584895645_643681_7254.jpg 18. THE WAY OF THE GUN (2000)
The insulter: Mr. Parker (Ryan Philippe)
The situation: The reserved-yet-deadly criminal for hire gets involved in a slanging match outside a club with a bar patron and his bitch girlfriend.
The insult: “Shut that cunt’s mouth or I'll come over there and fuckstart her head!”
Why it rules: The c-word always wins an argument (especially when directed at a girl).
http://photos-645.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sctm/v97/220/95/584895645/s584895645_643675_6713.jpg 17. O BROTHER, WHERE ART THOU? (2000)
The insulter: Ulysses Everett McGill (George Clooney)
The situation: Escaped convict Ulysses can no longer hide his contempt for his two dim-witted partners.
The insult: “You two are just dumber than a bag of hammers.”
Why it rules: Is there any instrument duller than the hammer? Exactly.
http://photos-645.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sctm/v97/220/95/584895645/s584895645_643670_6329.jpg 16. JAY AND SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK (2001)
The insulter: Jay (Jason Mewes)
The situation: Upon discovering an internet post flaming his new movie, the stoner decides to retort in his own inimitable style.
The insult: “All you motherfuckers are gonna pay. You are the ones who are the ball-lickers. We're gonna fuck your mothers while you watch and cry like little whiny bitches. Once we get to Hollywood and find those Miramax fucks who are making that movie, we're gonna make 'em eat our shit, then shit out our shit, then eat their shit which is made up of our shit that we made 'em eat. Then all you motherfuckers are next. Love, Jay and Silent Bob.”
Why it rules: You know you’ve read stuff like that on the internet before.
http://photos-645.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sctm/v97/220/95/584895645/s584895645_643661_5651.jpg 15. THE DEPARTED (2006)
The insulter: Sergeant Dignam (Mark Wahlberg)
The situation: The Boston Police Force set up a stakeout and Dignam gets a little pissed with the attitude of the tech geeks they hired to wire the place up.
The insult: “I’m the guy that does his job. You must be the other guy.”
Why it rules: It’s just one of a slew of insults from Dignam’s acid-tipped tongue. Fuckin’ A.
http://photos-645.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sctm/v97/220/95/584895645/s584895645_643676_6828.jpg 14. POINT BREAK (1991)
The insulter: Agent Antonio Pappas (Gary Busey)
The situation: The FBI agent reminds a cocksure Keanu Reeves that he’s been around the block a few times.
The insult: "I was taking shrapnel in Khe Sanh when you were crapping in your hands and rubbing it on your face!"
Why it rules: Keanu Reeves totally did that as a kid.
http://photos-645.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sctm/v97/220/95/584895645/s584895645_643680_7172.jpg 13. WAYNE’S WORLD (1992)
The insulter: Garth Algar (Dana Carvey)
The situation: The straggly-haired rocker convinces Kurt Fuller’s lackey that his TV producer boss is a douchebag.
The insult: “Benjamin is nobody's friend. If Benjamin were an ice cream flavour, he'd be pralines and dick.”
Why it rules: Imaginative and disgusting – no one would eat ice cream flavoured like pralines.
http://photos-645.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sctm/v97/220/95/584895645/s584895645_643678_7011.jpg 12. ROXANNE (1987)
The insulter: C.D. ‘Charlie’ Bales (Steve Martin)
The situation: Colossaly-conked Charlie is challenged to think of twenty insults better than ‘Big Nose’. This is the best of the bunch, but “When you stop to smell the flowers, are they afraid?” runs it a close second.
The insult: “Is that your nose or did a bus park on your face?”
Why it rules: It reminds us of when Steve Martin was funny.
http://photos-645.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sctm/v97/220/95/584895645/s584895645_643672_6482.jpg 11. THE LAST BOY SCOUT (1991)
The insulter: Joseph ‘Joe’ Hallenback (Bruce Willis)
The situation: When confronted by a street thug, Hallenback defaults to comedy mode to distract him (before smacking him up something neat).
The insult: “Your mother’s so fat I had to roll her in flour and look for the wet spot. If you wanna fuck her, you gotta slap her thigh and ride the wave in.”
Why it rules: No one writes barbed put-downs like Shane Black (see also #7).
10. NATIONAL LAMPOON’S CHRISTMAS VACATION (1989)
The insulter: Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)
The situation: Not having a happy holidays, Clark reveals his Christmas wish would be to tell his boss the following tirade.
The insult: “You cheap, lying, no good, rotten, floor flushing, low life, snake licking, dirt eating, inbred, over-stuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fatass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spineless, worm-headed sack of monkey shit!”
Why it rules: We’ve all wanted to call our boss an asshole, but this is taking it to the next level.
http://photos-645.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sctm/v97/220/95/584895645/s584895645_643657_5329.jpg 9. ANCHORMAN (2004)
The insulter: Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell)
The situation: Ron and his female co-anchor Veronica Corningstone trade insults on the newsroom floor. Hers suck. His don’t.
The insult: “You are a smelly pirate hooker. Why don’t you go back to your home on Whore Island?”
Why it rules: Because women really should go back to their homes on Whore Island.
http://photos-645.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sctm/v97/220/95/584895645/s584895645_643679_7091.jpg 8. SEXY BEAST (2000)
The insulter: Don Logan (Ben Kingsley)
The situation: Nutcase Don is in Spain to convince retired gangster Gal to return to the UK for one more job. Gal likes the Spanish sun too much.
The insult: “You're the problem! You're the fucking problem you fucking Dr. White honkin' jam-rag fucking spunk-bubble!”
Why it rules: Such filth coming from the mouth of Gandhi? Genius!
http://photos-645.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sctm/v97/220/95/584895645/s584895645_643671_6403.jpg 7. KISS KISS, BANG BANG (2005)
The insulter: Gay Perry (Val Kilmer)
The situation: Dumbass criminal and part-time investigator Harry Lockheart throws Perry’s gun into a lake without realising it is important evidence.
The insult: “Look up idiot in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?”
“A picture of me?”
“No! The definition of the word ‘idiot’, which you fucking are!”
Why it rules: Second-guesses Harry (and the audience) with its logical brilliance.
http://photos-645.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sctm/v97/220/95/584895645/s584895645_643665_5964.jpg 6. A FISH CALLED WANDA (1988)
The insulter: Wanda Gershwitz (Jamie Lee Curtis)
The situation: Lust object Wanda puts it to Kevin Kline’s kidnapper Otto that he’s not as bright as he thinks he is.
The insult: "To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. I've known sheep who could outwit you. I've worn dresses with higher IQs, but you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape?"
Why it rules: It’s just one of many fine insults in a fantastically written movie.
The insulter: Patches O’Houlihan (Rip Torn)
The situation: The eccentric Dodgeball coach gives his team a halftime pep talk and doesn’t sugar-coat his instructions. Average Joe’s will be average no longer.
The insult: ”Will someone please catch a goddamn ball? It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to fuck a doorknob out there!”
Why it rules: Paints quite a picture, doesn’t it?
http://photos-645.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sctm/v97/220/95/584895645/s584895645_643682_7335.jpg 19. WHITE MEN CAN’T JUMP (1992)
The insulter: Sidney Deane (Wesley Snipes)
The situation: Trash-talking on the basketball court, a number of ‘yo momma’ jokes are thrown around but this one really sticks.
The insult: “I seen your mother kicking a can down the street. I said ‘What you doin’?’ and she said ‘Moving’”
Why it rules: Nothing cuts to the bone like a ‘yo momma’ joke.
http://photos-645.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sctm/v97/220/95/584895645/s584895645_643681_7254.jpg 18. THE WAY OF THE GUN (2000)
The insulter: Mr. Parker (Ryan Philippe)
The situation: The reserved-yet-deadly criminal for hire gets involved in a slanging match outside a club with a bar patron and his bitch girlfriend.
The insult: “Shut that cunt’s mouth or I'll come over there and fuckstart her head!”
Why it rules: The c-word always wins an argument (especially when directed at a girl).
http://photos-645.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sctm/v97/220/95/584895645/s584895645_643675_6713.jpg 17. O BROTHER, WHERE ART THOU? (2000)
The insulter: Ulysses Everett McGill (George Clooney)
The situation: Escaped convict Ulysses can no longer hide his contempt for his two dim-witted partners.
The insult: “You two are just dumber than a bag of hammers.”
Why it rules: Is there any instrument duller than the hammer? Exactly.
http://photos-645.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sctm/v97/220/95/584895645/s584895645_643670_6329.jpg 16. JAY AND SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK (2001)
The insulter: Jay (Jason Mewes)
The situation: Upon discovering an internet post flaming his new movie, the stoner decides to retort in his own inimitable style.
The insult: “All you motherfuckers are gonna pay. You are the ones who are the ball-lickers. We're gonna fuck your mothers while you watch and cry like little whiny bitches. Once we get to Hollywood and find those Miramax fucks who are making that movie, we're gonna make 'em eat our shit, then shit out our shit, then eat their shit which is made up of our shit that we made 'em eat. Then all you motherfuckers are next. Love, Jay and Silent Bob.”
Why it rules: You know you’ve read stuff like that on the internet before.
http://photos-645.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sctm/v97/220/95/584895645/s584895645_643661_5651.jpg 15. THE DEPARTED (2006)
The insulter: Sergeant Dignam (Mark Wahlberg)
The situation: The Boston Police Force set up a stakeout and Dignam gets a little pissed with the attitude of the tech geeks they hired to wire the place up.
The insult: “I’m the guy that does his job. You must be the other guy.”
Why it rules: It’s just one of a slew of insults from Dignam’s acid-tipped tongue. Fuckin’ A.
http://photos-645.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sctm/v97/220/95/584895645/s584895645_643676_6828.jpg 14. POINT BREAK (1991)
The insulter: Agent Antonio Pappas (Gary Busey)
The situation: The FBI agent reminds a cocksure Keanu Reeves that he’s been around the block a few times.
The insult: "I was taking shrapnel in Khe Sanh when you were crapping in your hands and rubbing it on your face!"
Why it rules: Keanu Reeves totally did that as a kid.
http://photos-645.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sctm/v97/220/95/584895645/s584895645_643680_7172.jpg 13. WAYNE’S WORLD (1992)
The insulter: Garth Algar (Dana Carvey)
The situation: The straggly-haired rocker convinces Kurt Fuller’s lackey that his TV producer boss is a douchebag.
The insult: “Benjamin is nobody's friend. If Benjamin were an ice cream flavour, he'd be pralines and dick.”
Why it rules: Imaginative and disgusting – no one would eat ice cream flavoured like pralines.
http://photos-645.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sctm/v97/220/95/584895645/s584895645_643678_7011.jpg 12. ROXANNE (1987)
The insulter: C.D. ‘Charlie’ Bales (Steve Martin)
The situation: Colossaly-conked Charlie is challenged to think of twenty insults better than ‘Big Nose’. This is the best of the bunch, but “When you stop to smell the flowers, are they afraid?” runs it a close second.
The insult: “Is that your nose or did a bus park on your face?”
Why it rules: It reminds us of when Steve Martin was funny.
http://photos-645.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sctm/v97/220/95/584895645/s584895645_643672_6482.jpg 11. THE LAST BOY SCOUT (1991)
The insulter: Joseph ‘Joe’ Hallenback (Bruce Willis)
The situation: When confronted by a street thug, Hallenback defaults to comedy mode to distract him (before smacking him up something neat).
The insult: “Your mother’s so fat I had to roll her in flour and look for the wet spot. If you wanna fuck her, you gotta slap her thigh and ride the wave in.”
Why it rules: No one writes barbed put-downs like Shane Black (see also #7).
10. NATIONAL LAMPOON’S CHRISTMAS VACATION (1989)
The insulter: Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)
The situation: Not having a happy holidays, Clark reveals his Christmas wish would be to tell his boss the following tirade.
The insult: “You cheap, lying, no good, rotten, floor flushing, low life, snake licking, dirt eating, inbred, over-stuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fatass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spineless, worm-headed sack of monkey shit!”
Why it rules: We’ve all wanted to call our boss an asshole, but this is taking it to the next level.
http://photos-645.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sctm/v97/220/95/584895645/s584895645_643657_5329.jpg 9. ANCHORMAN (2004)
The insulter: Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell)
The situation: Ron and his female co-anchor Veronica Corningstone trade insults on the newsroom floor. Hers suck. His don’t.
The insult: “You are a smelly pirate hooker. Why don’t you go back to your home on Whore Island?”
Why it rules: Because women really should go back to their homes on Whore Island.
http://photos-645.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sctm/v97/220/95/584895645/s584895645_643679_7091.jpg 8. SEXY BEAST (2000)
The insulter: Don Logan (Ben Kingsley)
The situation: Nutcase Don is in Spain to convince retired gangster Gal to return to the UK for one more job. Gal likes the Spanish sun too much.
The insult: “You're the problem! You're the fucking problem you fucking Dr. White honkin' jam-rag fucking spunk-bubble!”
Why it rules: Such filth coming from the mouth of Gandhi? Genius!
http://photos-645.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sctm/v97/220/95/584895645/s584895645_643671_6403.jpg 7. KISS KISS, BANG BANG (2005)
The insulter: Gay Perry (Val Kilmer)
The situation: Dumbass criminal and part-time investigator Harry Lockheart throws Perry’s gun into a lake without realising it is important evidence.
The insult: “Look up idiot in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?”
“A picture of me?”
“No! The definition of the word ‘idiot’, which you fucking are!”
Why it rules: Second-guesses Harry (and the audience) with its logical brilliance.
http://photos-645.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sctm/v97/220/95/584895645/s584895645_643665_5964.jpg 6. A FISH CALLED WANDA (1988)
The insulter: Wanda Gershwitz (Jamie Lee Curtis)
The situation: Lust object Wanda puts it to Kevin Kline’s kidnapper Otto that he’s not as bright as he thinks he is.
The insult: "To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. I've known sheep who could outwit you. I've worn dresses with higher IQs, but you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape?"
Why it rules: It’s just one of many fine insults in a fantastically written movie.