Yo momma

[Gulo gulo]

Yo momma so ugly;

* Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said “Sorry, no
professionals.”
* Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for
mooning.
* Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said “What a
treasure!” and her father said “Yes, let’s go bury it.”
* Yo mama so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
* Yo mama so ugly they filmed “Gorillas in the Mist” in her shower.
* Yo mama so ugly they didn’t give her a costume when she tried out for
Star Wars (http://www.funnyandjokes.com/yo-mama-is-so-ugly.html#).
* Yo mama so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle,
they put it around her neck.
* Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
* Yo mama so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the
surveillence cameras.
* Yo mama so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.
* Yo mama so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the
dogs to play with her.
* Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people
say “Wow, is it Halloween already?”
* Yo mama so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
* Yo mama so ugly that if ugly were bricks she’d have her own projects.
* Yo mama so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
* Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry.
* Yo mama so ugly they filmed “Gorillas in the Mist” in her shower!
* Yo mama so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours.
. .for a quote!
* Yo mama so ugly they put her in dough and made monster cookies!
* Yo mama so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
* Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!
* Yo mama so ugly even Rice Krispies won’t talk to her!
* Yo mama so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn’t date her!
* Yo mama so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
* Yo mama so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!
* Yo mama so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!
* Yo mama so ugly The NHL banned her for life!
* Yo mama so ugly people go as her for Halloween.
* Yo mama so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try
to bury her.
* Yo mama so ugly she scares the roaches away.
* Yo mama so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he
doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.

[Gulo gulo]

Yo momma so tall;
* Yo mama’s so tall, when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on
12th.
* Yo mama so tall she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.
* Yo mama so tall she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.
* Yo mama’s so tall, she did a push-up and burned her back on the sun.
* Yo mama’s so tall, if she did a back-flip she’d kick Jesus in the mouth.
* Yo mama’s so tall, she can see her house from anywhere.
* Yo mama seems taller since the last time I saw her. Oh wait, she was
on her knees that time.

[Gulo gulo]

Yo momma so stupid;

* Yo Mama’s so stupid, I told her to buy a color TV, she came back and
said what color.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she put on her glasses to watch 20/20.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she called the 7-11 to see when they closed.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she gave your uncle a blowjob ’cause he said it’d
help his unemployment.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, when she heard 90% of all crimes occur around
the home, she moved.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she failed a survey.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she stopped at a stop sign and waited for it to
say go.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she gave birth to you.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she got locked in Furniture World and slept on the
floor.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she got shoved in an oven and froze to death.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she tried to commit suicide by jumping out of the
basement window.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she needs twice as much sense to be a half-wit.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she told me to meet her at the corner of “Walk”
and “Don’t Walk.”
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, when the computer said “Press any key to
continue”, she couldn’t find the ‘Any’ key
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she spent twenty minutes lookin’ at an orange
juice box because it said `concentrate.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead because she
wanted to makeup her mind.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she put a phone up her ass and thought she was
making a booty call.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she put out the cigarette butt that was heating
your house.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, I saw her in the frozen fish section with a fishing
rod.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, I taught her how to do the running man and I
haven’t seen the bitch since.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she thinks a sanitary belt is drinking a shot out of
a clean glass.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she thought 2pac (http://www.funnyandjokes.com/yo-mama-so-stupid.html#) Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she was on the corner with a sign that said “Will
eat for food.”
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she got on an elevator and thought it was a
mobile home.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she thinks fruit punch is a gay boxer.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she got locked in a meat locker and sweat to
death.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, when your dad fucked her she said “Doesn’t it go
in my mouth?”
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she leaves the house for the Home Shopping
Network.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, her latest invention was a glass hammer.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she saw a billboard that said “Dodge Trucks” and
she started ducking through traffic.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she got locked out of a convertible car with the
top down.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, you can tell when she’s used the computer
because there’s White Out all over the screen.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she got a part time job painting skittles.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, when she pulls up to a flashing red light it sounds
like this… Vroom, Screech, Vroom, Screech.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, it takes her an hour to cook minute rice.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, I put a Scratch-N’-Sniff sticker on the bottom of
the pool and she drowned.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she has 1 toe & bought a pair of flip flops.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, if she spoke her mind, she’d be speechless.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid when she asked me what kinda jeans I wore, I said
Guess and she said “Ah Levis?”
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she jumped out the window and went up.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she died before the police arrived because she
couldn’t find the “11″ button in “9-1-1″
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she thought Boyz2Men was a daycare center.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she got fired from a blow-job.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, when someone said “Take the trash out,” she
moved.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she used a vibrator for an egg beater.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she wiped her ass before she took a shit.
* Yo Mama’s so stupid, she thinks a 17 inch Admiral is a well hung sailor.

[Gulo gulo]

Yo momma so skinny;

* Yo mama so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio.
* Yo mama so skinny she has to wear a belt with spandex.
* Yo mama so skinny she turned sideways and dissapeared.
* Yo Mama’s so skinny, when she takes a bath and lets the water out,
toes get caught in the drain.
* Yo Mama’s so shinny, she had to stand in the same place twice to
cast a shadow.
* Yo Mama’s so skinny, I gave her a piece of popcorn and she went into a
coma.
* Yo Mama’s so skinny, you can save her from drowning by tossing her a
Cheerio.
* Yo Mama’s so skinny, I could blind-fold her with dental floss.
* Yo Mama’s so skinny, her nipples touch.
* Yo Mama’s so skinny, she can see out the peephole with both eyes.
* Yo Mama’s so skinny, she can dodge rain drops.
* Yo Mama’s so skinny, if she had dreads I’d grab her by the ankles and
use her to mop the floor.
* Yo Mama’s so skinny, instead of calling her your parent, you call her
transparent.
* Yo Mama’s so skinny, her bra fits better backward.
* Yo Mama’s so skinny, she swallowed a meatball and thought she was
pregnant.
* Yo Mama’s so skinny, she uses Chapstick for deodorant.
* Yo Mama’s so skinny, she inspires crack whores to diet.
* Yo Mama’s so skinny, she uses a Band-Aid as a maxi-pad.
* Yo Mama’s so skinny and flat, she’s the only woman in the world with
two backs.
* Yo Mama’s so skinny, she has to run around in the shower to get wet.
* Yo Mama’s so skinny, if she had a yeast infection she’d be a Quarter
Pounder with Cheese.

[Gulo gulo]

Yo momma so short;

* Yo mama so short she poses for trophies!
* Yo mama so short you can see her feet on her drivers lisence!
* Yo mama so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.
* Yo mama so short she can play handball on the curb.
* Yo mama so short she does backflips under the bed.

[Gulo gulo]

Yo momma so poor;

* Yo mama so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked
her what she was doing, she said “Moving.”
* Yo mama so poor she can’t afford to pay attention!
* Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!
* Yo mama so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people’s
fingers!
* Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell she says,”DING!”
* Yo mama so poor she went to McDonald’s and put a milkshake on
layaway.
* Yo mama so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.
* Yo mama so poor her face is on the front of a foodstamp.
* Yo mama so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said,
“What ya doin’?” She said, “Buying luggage.”
* Yo mama so poor she drives a peanut.
* Yo mama so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air
conditioning.

[Gulo gulo]

Yo momma so old;

* Yo mama so old I told her to act her own age, and she died.
* Yo Mama’s so old, she sat next to Jesus in third grade.
* Yo mama so old her social security number is 1!
* Yo Mama’s so old, her birthday expired.
* Yo mama so old that when she was in school there was no history class.
* Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
* Yo mama so old her birth certificate says expired on it.
* Yo mama so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
* Yo mama so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
* Yo mama so old she ran track with dinosaurs.
* Yo mama so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals

[KO TKO]

LOL

* Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said “Sorry, no
professionals.”
* Yo mama so ugly they filmed “Gorillas in the Mist” in her shower.
* Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry.

[Paganstars]

*Yo momma is so fat that when she goes to mcdonalds she gets a group discount
*Yo momma is so fat that when she goes to buy a belt the need equator size
*Yo momma is so fat that when she cuts herself she bleeds chocolate milk
*Yo momma is so fat that her ass has it's own zipcode
*Yo momma is so fat that when I'm on the bitch and I roll over, I'm still on her
*Yo momma is so fat she needs a map to find her ass
*Yo momma is so fat when she went to an all you can eat restaurant, they went bankrupt
*Yo momma is so fat that when she tries to put on a belt she needs a boomerang
*Yo momma is so fat that when I smack her ass she wiggles for a week
*Yo momma is so fat that NASA thought they found a new celestial body
*Yo momma is so fat that when she goes to the beach greenpeace put a rescue the beached whale
*Yo momma is so fat that when she goes to Seaworld everybody thinks Shamu escaped
*Yo momma is so fat when she need to be fed they call the local zoo
*Yo momma is so fat when she tried to tie her shoes, everybody thought the moon fell out of the sky
*Yo momma is so fat when she fell down on 5th ave, in San Fransisco they thought the big quake happened
*Yo momma is so fat that when she goes for a swim in the ocean whalers try to harpoon her
*Yo momma is so fat that when she went shopping for a new dress they sent her to homedepot
*Yo momma is so fat that when she goes with amtrak they put her in the lifestock car
*Yo momma is so fat that when she entered the pie eating contest she finished first, third, seventh and thirteenth
*Yo momma is so fat that when she went to texas cowboys tried to wrangle her
*Yo momma is so fat that the UN thought it was an extinct species
*Yo momma is so fat that when she tries to do aerobic the feel the tremors in japan
*Yo momma is so fat that when her daddy tried to feed her he lost his arm
*Yo momma is so fat She didn't have just one sparerib but ate the whole herd
*Yo momma is so fat that when she tried to lose weight she stopped drinking lard for breakfast
*Yo momma is so fat that when she dies starvation in the world will be solved
*Yo momma is so fat she gives a locust plague a run for their money
*Yo momma is so fat when she tried to ride the elephant safari, they weren't sure who the elephant was
*Yo momma is so fat they feed her from a pigtrough
*Yo momma is so fat that when she wants to go around the block, she is around the block
*Yo momma is so fat the governement isn't sure if they can produce enough food for the rest of the country
*Yo momma is so fat that when she walks down the street people call the army
*Yo momma is so fat she carries a sign around her neck saying;"Watch out wide load"
*Yo momma is so fat she ruined the pavement when she tried to walk out of the door
*Yo momma is so fat that when she needs to be washed the take her to the local truckwash
*Yo momma is so fat the when she went to go sunbathing she caused a local black out
*Yo momma is so fat the when she tripped and fell down they needed a crane to get her back up
*Yo momma is so fat they feed her with a shovel
*Yo momma is so fat that when she walks on the beach people yell;"Free Willy"
*Yo momma is so fat you can find last years christmas turkey in her fatrolls
*Yo momma is so fat that when she applied for disability she wasn't able to hold the pen
*Yo momma is so fat she got drafted twice as a dyke
*Yo momma is so fat the nfl isn't sure if it is allowed to handle animals on the pitch
*Yo momma is so fat that when she went to weight watchers, they needed an industrial scale
*Yo momma is so fat that when she tried to stand up, she ended up in china
*Yo momma is so fat that when she sat down, the neighbours below thought they were in an earthquake
*Yo momma is so fat that when she went to swim in the ocean they had massive floods in the rest of the world
*Yo momma is so fat that when she went skiing they had to close the mountain due to extreme avalanches