F*** my life

[Chico]

http://www.fmylife.com/

Today, I drove my two kids to their friends' houses. In my convertible, looking what I though was my best, I slowed down outside a bar with cute 20 year old girls in front. My daughter noticed the speed reduction and said, "Keep driving dad, you're fat and mom left you for a reason." FML


Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML

Today, I was sitting beside this cute guy on a bench. Suddenly, he goes, "I know we don't know each other very well, but would you like to have dinner on Saturday?" I turn to him with a goofy smile, and exclaim "I'D LOVE TO!" He gives me a weird look, turns his head and points to his Bluetooth. FML


Today, I was in the bank with my seven year old daughter, when I saw an old high school friend of mine with his wife. I said hello, and he commented on how beautiful my little girl was. I thanked him, and as I turned away, I heard his wife say "I guess the father must be the good looking one." FML

[Ralph]

Ha! Die site is grappig. Lijkt een beetje op twitter berichten over waarom je leven kut is.

[Christophe]

"Today, I had to make a family tree for one of my classes. When I was going through it, I realized that both my parents have the same last name. So, I asked them about it and they told me that they are second cousins. FML"

:eek:

:lol:

[Christophe]

Hahahahahaha ... er zijn er echt geweldige bij! Deze zijn erg goed:

"Today, my very religious grandmother walked in on me masturbating. She's sending me to bible camp. FML"

"Today, I went to visit my fiance's dying grandmother in the hospital with him. She started talking to us about living each day to the fullest. His grandmother points to me and says, "Life is short. That's why you don't waste any time screwing girls who look like that." FML"

"Today, I told my friend I hadn't had a period in 5 months. She asked me if I was pregnant. When I asked her if I looked 5 months pregant, she replied by saying "is that supposed to be a trick question?" FML"

"Today, my boyfriend asked me what I enjoyed most about the weekend we'd spent together. I mention in detail a certain move he had pulled during sex. When asked what he enjoyed most, he replies "putting my fish tank together". FML"

"Today, my parents refused to visit me at college because "the flights are too expensive." They are currently shopping for a new car to replace my mother's two-year-old Porsche. FML"

"Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me, so I decided to be bitchy about it and say "Did I say you could take a picture?" and he replied with, "No, but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids." I turn around, and they were right behind me. FML"

Ik krijg er maar geen genoeg van ... lachen dit! :thup:

[Christophe]

"Today, my dad woke me up at 6 told me to take a shower and drove me to school only to say "just kidding, happy snowday!" FML"
:rotflmao:
"Today, I went on a blind date that my sister had set up. When I arrived at the coffeeshop, I approached a man waiting by the counter, asking if his name was Tim (my date's name). He looked at me and said no and then left with a drink clearly labeled "Tim" in bold letters. FML"
:rotflmao:
"Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, whom I was madly in love with, by having a plane fly over her house spelling "Marry me Abby?". After seeing this, she locked herself in her room and cried for 4 hours exclaiming that this wasn't how she wanted to be proposed to. I had invited my entire family. FML"
:rotflmao:
"Today, my mom had my girlfriend and I over. Out of the blue, she pulled out my grandmothers wedding ring and gave it to me saying I can now propose. My girlfriend started screaming and said yes. I have been seeing someone else for 3 months and was going to break up with my girlfriend tomorrow. FML"
:rotflmao:
"Today, I got my braces on. When we got in the car my dad looked over and said "well at least we dont have to worry about boys for the next two years." FML"
:rotflmao:
"Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML"
:rotflmao:
"Today, my mom bought me a t-shirt from the store. It has the U.S. Marines logo on it and says "Marines' Girlfriend". I'm a straight 16 year old boy and my mom only reads and speaks Spanish. FML"

:rotflmao:

Ik ben "maar" tot pagina 7 geraakt ... doet iemand de volgende? ;)

[chief108]

that's some epic shit there...

love it :p

[Chico]

Today, my physics teacher asked who had implants. (http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/232961) I raised my hand. (http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/232961) Then he asked me to show him the implants. (http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/232961) Shocked at his request I called him a perv. (http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/232961) I later discovered he meant dental implants as he was teaching x rays not breast implants. (http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/232961) FML (http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/232961)

Today, I had to run to catch my train, so I didn't get the chance to buy a ticket. (http://www.fmylife.com/sex/232857) When the constructor was in sight, I saw he was a young man and I opened my top a little, in hopes of not having to pay a fine. (http://www.fmylife.com/sex/232857) When I told him I didn't buy a ticket he said: "Close your top, I'm gay". (http://www.fmylife.com/sex/232857) FML (http://www.fmylife.com/sex/232857)

Today, I was walking along the street and passed a young couple. (http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/232729) Over my shoulder I heard the girl say to her boyfriend "Would you still love me if I looked like her?" FML (http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/232729)

Today, I was trying to send a resume to this company I wanted to work in and another letter to my ex-boyfriend, with swear words, and I also said that I hated our sex. (http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/232531) I put the letters in the wrong envelopes. (http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/232531) FML (http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/232531)

Today, I was sitting on my 70 year old grandmothers bed with my older brother. (http://www.fmylife.com/sex/232314) I decided to snoop through the cabinet at the back of her bed, and I pulled out what I naively thought was a strange looking flashlight. (http://www.fmylife.com/sex/232314) When I twisted the bottom of it to see what would happen it started vibrating. (http://www.fmylife.com/sex/232314) FML (http://www.fmylife.com/sex/232314)

Today, my name was called during an assembly because I won some sort of prize. (http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/232169) Everyone boo'ed. (http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/232169) FML (http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/232169)

Today, I couldn't answer almost everyone question in the game "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?" I'm a 40 year old man. (http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/232055) FML (http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/232055)

Today, I was having a one night stand with a guy. (http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/232006) he told me he wanted to do it doggie style. (http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/232006) I said okay, and as soon as i bent over on the bed, looked at me and said "let's do this with the lights off". (http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/232006) FML (http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/232006)

Today, my fiance's divorce was finalized. (http://www.fmylife.com/love/231827) To celebrate, we went out to dinner at this expensive restaurant. (http://www.fmylife.com/love/231827) After dinner, he goes to the restroom. (http://www.fmylife.com/love/231827) A couple minutes later, the check comes with a note saying: "Thanks! Gonna enjoy bachelor life. (http://www.fmylife.com/love/231827) It's over. (http://www.fmylife.com/love/231827)" Left me with the $200 bill. (http://www.fmylife.com/love/231827) He drove. (http://www.fmylife.com/love/231827) FML (http://www.fmylife.com/love/231827)

Today, at a hard rock concert, a bunch of guys accidentally knocked down a port-a-potty while moshing. (http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/231694) I was inside that port-a-potty. (http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/231694) FML (http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/231694)

Today, I finally told my best friend whom I've secretly been in love with for two years that I was in love with her but at the last second chickened out and said I was joking. (http://www.fmylife.com/love/230798) She replied with "Don't scare me like that. (http://www.fmylife.com/love/230798) I thought i was going to have to find a new best friend for a second" FML (http://www.fmylife.com/love/230798)

Today, I went to visit my Grandmother, accidentally leaving my phone home during the weekend. (http://www.fmylife.com/love/229986) When I got back I had 2 texts from my crush. (http://www.fmylife.com/love/229986) One saying "I want to take the most beautiful girl to prom, go with me?" and the other saying, "Fine fattie, I'll ask someone else. (http://www.fmylife.com/love/229986)" FML (http://www.fmylife.com/love/229986)

Today, I got a letter from my college saying that if my tuition was not paid in the next 24 hours, I will be terminated from classes. (http://www.fmylife.com/money/229421) Turns out account services has been depositing my tuition money in another student’s account whose social security number was one digit different from mine. (http://www.fmylife.com/money/229421) FML (http://www.fmylife.com/money/229421)

[Chico]

krijg ze alleen niet zoals christophe...

deze site zet je eigen leven best wel in perspectief.. valt allemaal wel mee :D

[Chico]

Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. (http://www.fmylife.com/sex/226342) After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. (http://www.fmylife.com/sex/226342) FML (http://www.fmylife.com/sex/226342)

ahh shit

[Christophe]

deze site zet je eigen leven best wel in perspectief.. valt allemaal wel mee :D

Inderdaad ja ... werkt beter dan prozac, deze site!