The "All-Pain, No-Gain" Workout Program
Now, as I said earlier, I do realize that if I don't give you what you're looking for, you'll just go to someone else who will. The following is a lower body workout that will REALLY trash you. Trust me on this one.
Note: at the commencement of each workout, I recommend picking up the phone, putting the reciever off the hook, and dialing "9" and "1." In this way, should circumstances dictate, all you'll need to do is to dial the last "1" for immediate medical assistance.
(Lower Body ? Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays)
A: Depth Jumps
10 sets of 10 reps. Rest: 15 seconds
Notes: Select a box that is 66% of your height. For example, an athlete who stands 6 feet tall should use a 4 foot tall box. Use bare feet and land onto concrete surface wearing a 50 pound weight vest. Upon impact, tense up as hard as possible, visualizing that you are trying to drive your feet through the concrete.
B: Downhill Running on Stairmaster "Gauntlet"
10 intervals of 3 minutes duration each. Rest: 30 seconds
Notes: This is the Stairmaster unit that reseambles an escalator. Most people use it improperly ? here's the right way: face backwards and step down 3 steps at a time- you'll have to basically jump down from step to step, due to the distance between the 3 steps. Continue for 3 minutes or until your tibea shatters and punctures through the skin on your shins. Rest 30 seconds and repeat.
C: Super-Slow Stiff-Legged Deadlift (100's)
1 set of 100. Tempo: 30-0-30
Notes: That's right ? 100 reps where each rep lasts 60 seconds. Look, if you want just "average" pain, follow some one else's program. If you want REAL pain, professional level pain, this will do the job. Stand on a bench and make sure to touch your shoelaces with your knuckles in the bottom position (rounding your low back will be necessary to accomplish this).
Cool-down: take a one hour Tae-Bo class immediately after your work sets. That's it. Don't waste precious time twitching around on the floor trying to stave off a coma?those muscles need lycopene, and they need it NOW!
Post-workout meal: 6 sliced tomatoes with hot fudge sauce. The lycopene ingestion must be immediate (the hot fudge delivery system will help to speed it to your muscle cells).
Feels just like Deca. Well, kind of.
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