jack Bauer facts

**Tkid** · 08-05-2007, 20:11

There are two hands that can beat a royal flush. Jack Bauer's right hand and Jack Bauer's left hand.

On Jack Bauer's Tax Returns, he has to claim the entire world as his dependents.

The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.

Jack Bauer never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.

When bad things happen to good people, its probably fate. When bad things happen to bad people, it’s probably Jack Bauer.

When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.

Some people see the glass as half full. Others see it as half empty. Jack Bauer see the glass as a deadly weapon.

There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. The first two are Jack Bauer, and the third one is heart attack from hearing Jack Bauer is coming for them.

Most people would need months to recover from 20 months of Chinese interrogation. Jack Bauer needs a shower, a shave and a change of clothes.

Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.

Passed out, surrounded by terrorists and nerve gas, and handcuffed to a table leg, Jack Bauer laughed to himself and said, "I have them right where I want them."

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

Chained to a chair, tortured, and with the threat of death hanging over him, Jack just wanted something to eat.

When Jack Bauer ran out of ammo, he caught 3 bullets in his chest and used them to reload.

Jack Bauer definitely loves his daughter; he wouldn't let anyone else who made that many stupid decisions live.

If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".

Jack Bauer does not get taken prisoner. He puts himself in a disadvantageous position so as to make his next several killings more dramatic.

Withholding information from Jack Bauer is now classified as a suicide attempt.

Jack Bauer is the only human in the world with the ability to make Chloe O'Brien drop the personality disorder and patch him through.

Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.

Jack once shot himeself 10 times, just to prove 50 cent is a bitch. He proceeded to wrestle and aligator while talking to Chloe about schematics.

There have been no terrorist attacks in United States since Jack Bauer has appeared on television.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

The 2007 budget for the US Military covers Jack Bauer, two pistols and four billion rounds of ammunition.

If Jack Bauer was president, he would protect the secret service.

Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

Jack Bauer doesn't need to eat, sleep, or use the bathroom because his organs are afraid of making him angry.

After Season 6 of 24, the Chinese will be on the Endangered Species List.

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's fucking beef.

Jack Bauer quit for just five minutes, and a nuclear bomb went off.

When Chuck Norris files his taxes, he sends in a blank return and a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has never had to pay taxes. This year, however, the IRS sent him back a picture of Jack Bauer wearing his dark sunglasses. The next day, Chuck Norris pled guilty to multiple counts of tax evasion